The Part No One Talks About
Transformation is fucking terrifying
We talk a lot about how this practice can change your life and as amazing as that sounds, the reality is it's just as scary as it is exciting.
It can change the way you see yourself and how you feel about your body, it can uncover some (or a lot of) of the ick we all carry with us and successfully push out of sight 99% of the time; just as easily as it allows us to uncover the fact that we are capable of so much more than we've ever imagined.
And when that relationship with ourselves begins to change, so might our relationships with others.
We start wondering: Who am I going to be on the other side of this? Will I lose what makes me me? Will my friends and family and romantic partners stick around? Will I even want them to? I don't know how this is going to turn out and I hate that I can't predict or control my future!
And then there might be the regret: Why did I wait so long? I've wasted so much of my life not knowing how great it could be on the other side of healing. Why didn't I see how beautiful I am for all those years? How could I ever have let anyone tell me I'm less than? Damn, I wish I started dancing and flexibility as a child, I'd be so great at it now.
I have had every one of those thoughts, and then some, and still do sometimes. I'm not quite sure why we work so hard convincing ourselves trying new things is going to feel amazing 100% of the time. Maybe it makes it easier to say well that didn't feel good so it's not for me and go back to comfort zones, which probably aren't very comfortable to begin with, but we equate familiar with safe even when deep inside we're wishing for more or different.
I firmly believe once we start stretching and wiggling and undulating our bodies, it stirs up a whole lot of stuff. It's ok and normal to feel scared and messy and absolutely unrefined and not have a clue what's next. Are we ever really ready anyhow?
We're all trying to figure it all out. The beauty of this space is we do it alone but together. No we don't have group therapy sessions, but walking into a room full of people, each on their own unique path, just showing up to see where the next hour takes them, knowing no one is judging you or expecting you to be anything but yourself whatever the day brings, makes everything feel a little less terrifying-even trying to work on your splits.
If you made it this far, thank you and love you, and an extra thank you to all the beautiful humans who fill the studio with amazing conversations, authentic movement, and the bravest, most badass, strength and vulnerability. We all learn and grow together.
XOXO,
Andrea
