I’ve fucked up. I’ve fucked up more times that I like to admit. When I reflect on my vast amount of fuck ups (seriously, I could write a book), most of them have one common denominator. They all fall under the umbrella of my biggest fuck up ever-putting other’s opinions, desires, and expectations first. Sound relatable?
People pleasing had become so ingrained I didn’t even realize it had become a way of life. I wasn’t the slightest bit aware I was doing it most of the time, all under the guise of just trying to be a good kind person who would never try to intentionally upset someone. I changed my appearance, interests, and hobbies (or gave them up completely) to be more acceptable to whoever I was spending time with. And in some cases, it was a matter of survival.
None of those things felt abusive or wrong. I was just trying to be the best, most lovable person I could be…to everyone but myself.
After life threw me yet another series of curve balls, I sat there at the age of 36 with the realization I did not know who the fuck I was anymore. Did I really like this song? This meal? These clothes? This hair color? I had to relearn who I was when I took everyone else out of the equation.
This is why connecting (or reconnecting) to ourselves is so very important. We will all have moments in life when we only have ourselves to rely on. All the nurturing and connecting we explore in and out of the studio will be yours no matter what. It’s something that can never be taken from you and something you can call on whenever you need it. It is truly the most precious gift you can give yourself.
Reconnecting can feel scary and awkward (or just plain weird) at times. It’s ok-that’s normal. We have lifetimes of conditioning to unravel. Realizing the immense beauty and pleasure you can find in your body, for you and you first always can sound foreign or unheard of. Take this journey back to yourself in tiny steps, trust your intuition, don’t rush-everything is already there waiting for you when you’re ready.
I’ve dedicated the last 10 years of my life to healing myself and learning to reconnect with my body. The process never ends, but is worth every bit of the work, that I promise you. It is my mission to help others find love, beauty, pleasure, and freedom in their bodies through movement. You’ve got this💕